Saturday, February 28, 2009

frightening lives

My lack of interest in...everything has reached an all-time high. I don't want to see people, I don't want to go out, I don't want to do anything. I want to sleep until the world fails.

I had an interesting conversation with my mother today. I told her I was tired, that I wanted to nap, and she exclaimed, "You're nineteen! Why on earth are you tired?" (Cue my bored answer and the tiny click! of me hanging up.)

I'm tired, mom, because there is nothing that I want to get out of bed for. Does she really expect me to jump up in the morning with a smile on my go to an 8 a.m. physics lab? I refuse to waste my excitement on something that drains the life out of me. Ah well.

Wouldn't it be just wonderful if, somehow, the world that's inside your head, that marvelous place of no responsibility and passion and wide-eyed innocence, that forgotten dream of wonderment and creation, that out of reach fairytale of life and beauty, jumped off the pages and became real? If that was the world that was awaiting beyond the confines of my small, modest bed, well, I'd gladly wipe the muck out of my eyes and dance my way through the day, no matter how early the sun chose to rise. But, instead, I look out my window and see what really is waiting for me. And what I see does not impress. What I see is like a needle to my fantasy balloon. POP! It's gone.

And my bed looks awfully comfortable.


Molly said...

I couldn't agree with you more.

Jacklaw said...

There were definitely days when an 8am physics lab would have spelled doom for any hope I had of enjoying the rest of the day, but lately I've been doing this thing where I force myself to see all the amazing colors and faces and clock tower buildings and sketchy donut shops I doubt anyone ever goes in on my walk to class. I figure the best way to not scream in terror every time I think about my student loans coming due is to someday be able to remind myself, "Hey buddy, at least you had a great time using those loans!"

and that is my thought for today. I think I will follow you.